


Hold Me Close

by itsjusteasier



Category: GOT7
Genre: Bottom Jackson Wang, Homophobia, M/M, Top Im Jaebum | JB, Top Park Jinyoung | Jr.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-04-18 05:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjusteasier/pseuds/itsjusteasier
Summary: What happens when no one wants to let go of what they want? When it's hurting everyone around them, will it hurt less to let go?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm trying my hand at writing my first GOT7 fic. I haven't written in a long time, so forgive me if this is terrible. I wouldn't mind having a beta reader review my work! I appreciate constructive feedback :)

“Man I just want to be able to get at least 20 minutes of sleep in, that’s all I’m asking for hyung,” grumbled Jackson to Jaebum as he took a seat between him and Jinyoung.

“I understand Sseunie, try to go to sleep, we’ll wake you up right when we reach the next interview, okay?” responded Jaebum. He watched as Jackson nodded his head in confirmation before leaning back in his seat and placing his cap over his eyes in order to block off the light.

It seemed that within seconds he had fallen asleep because he began letting out a light snore. A sad smile stretched itself across Jinyoung’s face. He reached down and rested his hand on top of Jackson’s, rubbing his thumb across the knuckles.

“I can’t believe we’re only getting to see him once or twice a month now,” he whispered, not wanting to wake Jackson. Making eye contact with Jaebum who had been staring at the movement of Jinyoung’s thumb across Jackson’s hand, he said “I miss him hyung.”

“I know… I miss him too. Normally I feel nervous about our comebacks but I wish it would come sooner so that he can be around more often,” Jaebum whispered back. When he noticed that Jackson’s head started lolling in his direction, he took the initiative of resting Jackson’s head on his shoulder  so that he’d be more comfortable and wouldn’t wake up with a neck pain later on.

“Mhm, same here. Two more weeks and then he’ll be with us for a full month. It’s been how long since we were all together like this?” wondered Jinyoung.

“Shit, I don’t know, since our Mad album? 2015? Fuck, that’s three years,” Jaebum let out in a harsh whisper.

“Damn. I can’t believe time has flown this fast. I mean I know he didn’t move out till last year, but it hasn’t felt like it’s been like that right?” questioned Jinyoung. “I guess its because we’re always on the road ourselves too.”

“Yeah. It hasn’t been the same without this cutie around though” responded Jaebum with a fond smile.

Both Jaebum and Jinyoung are startled by the sudden halt of their car. They look up and realize that they’re at the station where they will be holding their next radio interview. The car that the rest of their members were in was parked in front of theirs and they could hear them chatting in front of their car.

Their driver looked back and alerted them of their arrival.

“Thanks, hyung. Give us a second while we wake up Jackson” said Jinyoung.

Their driver nodded and exited the car, going out for a quick smoke. In the meantime, Jinyoung grabbed Jackson’s hand and brought it up to his lips to give it a quick kiss.

“Sseunie baby wake up. We’re here.” He smiled when he felt Jackson tighten his hand around his.

Jackson could feel familiar lips on his skin. “Jinyoung-ah,” he muttered, voice hoarse. “We’re here?”

“Yeah,” Jackson heard next to his ear. He turned to see Jaebum’s piercing stare directed at him. He leaned up into the kiss that the elder bent to place onto his lips.

Feeling the thumb running against his hand, he turned towards Jinyoung and leaned over to place a kiss on his lips as well.

“Thank you guys, I feel better,” he rasped out.

“Of course baby, you know we’d do anything for you” smiled Jaebum as he reached up to tousle Jackson’s hair.

Jackson’s cheeks began burning as he looked down and smiled.

 

As they exited the car, Jackson could feel the guilt that usually pours over him while he’s away in China for any of his work.

‘I wish that I could be here more often with them. Or for them to at least fall in love with each other too. I feel like I’m stringing the both of them along like this while,’ he thought.

The three had discussed their relationship at length before. While both Jinyoung and Jaebum were in love with Jackson, they did not have any of the same feelings towards each other, seeing the other solely as a best friend. They tried to see if their feelings would morph into something more as time passed but in the 2 years that they have been in this relationship, everything has remained the same.

Without them being able to lean on each other for the support a partner could offer, Jackson felt that he was leaving them hanging.

‘I’m so fucking selfish. I don’t deserve them’.

As if being able to hear the self deprecating thoughts, Jinyoung laced his fingers with his, giving him a warm smile as they followed their members into a building.

As he turned from looking at Jinyoung, Jackson noticed Mark looking back at them and then quickly looking away.

Jackson frowned, not understanding how he and Mark’s relationship could have changed so much since their debut.

Jackson was not the only one who had noticed the short exchange however. Jaebum noticed that Mark has been increasingly staring at his boy, trying to get more opportunities for interactions between them. As close as they were at first, this doesn’t surprise him. However, with the huge falling out they had soon after their debut, he’s disturbed by Mark’s recent behavior.

‘Hm, he and I are definitely going to have to have a talk about this. I don’t want him near him like that again,’ he thought angrily.

TBC


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! There will be gay slurs used in this chapter. If this bothers you, I apologize, but I felt it was necessary to include it in order to provide reasoning for the current dynamics of the relationships in this story. 
> 
> Also, I want to thank those of you who have been leaving comments and giving kudos, I really appreciate it! I have this idea in mind of where this story is going and I hope I do a good enough of a job to help take us there.

As the members began getting themselves settled into their seats, Mark took the opportunity to sit close to Jackson. Like the rest of his members, he too had missed his prior roommate. They’d stuck together throughout much of their training period, leading them to want to share rooms because of how comfortable they were with each other.

 

Eventually, that comfort began being misinterpreted as much more than mere friendship by fans. They were frequently accused of being in a romantic relationship, which unnerved Mark. He didn’t have anything but platonic feelings for the younger and sadly he didn’t feel that he could express himself the way he normally would with any of his other friends with Jackson. He wondered if it was the fact that they were idols or if it was the fact that their friendship really did appear like more. He knew that idols were sometimes asked to ham up the skin ship on screen to give fans something to talk about and make them guess, but why were he and Jackson singled out so early and so strongly? It’s not like their interactions on screen were that much different than the way Mark behaved with the others, right?

 

He may not have given it much thought beyond that and may have even eventually blown it off as just being uncomfortable because he had never been in a situation like this before, but when he started noticing that Jackson began getting as touchy feely outside of interviews, concerts and fanmeets, he began getting paranoid.

 

‘What if Jackson actually does have feelings for me,’ he bang questioning. The younger would sometimes sit in his lap, which isn’t strange in Korea, but when accompanied by kisses on the cheek he couldn’t help but feel that Jackson blurred the lines between the performances they put on for others and their norms when in private.

 

The other members began noticing as well. Jinyoung was the first to point it out, after having stared at them for a few minutes as the three had sat together watching a movie. Jackson had been leaning on Marks shoulder with one of his legs thrown over one of Marks. The elder had been rubbing up and down his inner thigh for some time.

 

 

_You don’t seem as put off by him anymore, hyung. I’m glad._ Read the text message Jinyoung had covertly typed to Mark.

 

Marks brows furrowed as he read the text. _What??_ Mark responded, genuinely confused as to what Jinyoung was referring to.

 

_Jackson. You don’t seem bothered by your feelings for him anymore._ Jinyoung responded. He watched as Mark read the message and immediately looked up at him with questioning eyes. His cheeks began to burn, turning them a bright shade of red. He looked down and put his phone away in his pocket.

 

Jinyoung began to feel dread build up in his stomach. _Hyung... you like Jackson, don’t you?_ He texted.

 

Mark did not take his phone back out. This didn’t deter Jinyoung though, but rather fueled him to try and get to the bottom of how Mark felt. 

 

_Hyung._

_Hyung, answer me._

_Please._

 

Finally, after repeated attempts Mark threw him a glare and got his phone out. After a quick glance he quickly typed back, _I’m not a fag_.

 

Jinyoungs heart had been racing pretty fast as he had waited with trepidation for Jinyoung’s response, but as soon as he read the response it seemed to come to a full stop. He felt Marks eyes on him and when they made contact with his, Mark looked away. He removed his hand from Jackson’s thigh and stretched his arms over his head, causing Jackson to have to lift himself off of him. 

 

“Hmm?” wondered Jackson, watching as Mark stretched this way and that. “What happened hyung, am I too heavy?”

 

“No, I’m just not really feeling this movie, so I’m gonna head back to my room,” he stated as he stood from his seat on their couch.

 

“Aw, Markie, are you sure?” rasped Jackson, voice filled with worry.

 

“Yeah, it’s not really my thing,” Mark said, voice flat. He punctuated the statement by staring directly at Jinyoung as he said it.

 

“Damn, I wanted us to spend the afternoon together and just relax for once,” muttered Jackson, his mood dropping as he watched Mark getting ready to exit their living room. 

 

“We spend so much time together people think we’re gay for each other,” he scoffed.

 

Jackson was visibly shocked by the statement, his eyes widening. He schooled his features into a smile to appear unaffected and said, “yeah I guess fans like to pick up on every little thing we do,” he responded with a chuckle.

 

“Jackson, that would imply that I’m gay and have a thing for you. I don’t,” Mark responded, voice seeming to grow angry.

 

Jackson was confused, he didn’t understand what Mark’s problem was. “I’m not saying you’re anything. I’m just saying that it probably seems that way to them,” he responded.

 

  
“Why?” asked Mark, getting closer to him, clenching his fists.

 

Normally, he’d confront anyone who was being this confrontational with him, but this was Mark. Jackson could sense that if this conversation continued, they were going to have a problem on their hands that was so bad; there would likely be no turning back from it. Clearly, Mark was triggered by something regarding his sexuality and he didn’t want to press any more buttons while he was like this. The irony of the situation was that Mike had a close family member that is gay.

 

“Nothing, never mind. Let’s just drop it hyung, I didn’t mean shit by it,” he answered, looking away.

 

“No! Say what you have to say Jackson! Why would anyone assume I’m gay?” Mark was hovering over him now, both arms creating a barricade around Jackson’s shoulder while he leaned his face in closer to look into Jackson’s eyes.

 

“Hyung, relax. Jackson was probably talking about the skin ship they ask us to show on screen for fans. You know to get them talking. We’ve already talked about how many fans are into it, it doesn’t mean—“ Jinyoung, who had been trying to calm Mark down was cut off as Mark jumped away from Jackson and made his way over to him.

 

“What you’re saying doesn’t mean shit! You were over here texting me just now saying how glad you are that I’ve come to accept my feelings for him. You’re not a fan Jinyoung, so why would you be fooled into thinking that shit too? Huh? Do I look like a fucking faggot to you?!” Mark yelled as he made his way over to Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung did not walk away, causing him to stand face to face with Mark. Mark was about to ask again when he felt Jackson come up behind him.

 

“Get away, now,” he asked, voice shaking with barely suppressed rage. Jackson ignored the comment Mark made about Jinyoung texting him, storing it away for later. Right now, Mark needed to get the fuck away from Jinyoung.

 

Mark turned towards him slowly. “Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me,” he gritted through his teeth.

 

“I don’t know what the fuck your problem is, bu—“

“YOU! You’re my fucking problem! This whole hand holding or sitting in each others laps; shit was weird as fuck to me at first, and I get it I come from a different country and culture, but I felt comfortable around you at first because you weren’t like them either. But then YOU started acting all weird too. At first I thought it was for the cameras but your sick ass started doing this shit in private too. Since when were you gay? Were you just pretending not to be to make me like you?”

 

Mark didn’t expect the punch across his face. Hell, for a second he didn’t even know what had just happened. He brought his hand up to his cheek and felt the slight ache that was beginning to form. His shock soon turned into fury, but he didn’t get a chance to act on it the way he wanted to.

 

Jackson’s eyes were filled with tears as his body was being held back by Jinyoung. “Fuck you. So what if I am? I never tried tricking you into shit. Yeah I like you, but you acted that way on your own. Whether it’s because you like me as a friend or more, your response is as natural as me being attracted to men.”

 

“I’m not like that. You know that, and yet you still did the shit you did,” Mark responded, voice barely above a whisper as his brain was trying to process the fact that his best friend, whom he’d had more physical contact with than anyone in the past few years, was gay.

 

Then why did you respond by becoming more touchy-feely yourself Mark? If you’re so against it??” wondered Jackson, exasperated.

 

“You know I only started acting like that because of fitting in with cultural norms, I—“

 

“Oh please, culture? Ha,” came an incredulous laugh from Jinyoung. “This is Jaebums culture and he’s not like that with anyone. He’s never been as intimate with the other members or his friends outside of GOT7 as you have been with Jackson. Who can’t help but to think that maybe you liked Jackson, _especially_ considering how weirded out you were at first by the way some guys interacted.”

 

Mark took that in for a few seconds, trying to understand how Jinyoung could come to believe that he was into Jackson like that. He’s never been comfortable being around other guys the way he is with Jackson, but that’s because he thought he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jackson was straight. He didn’t have to worry about him. He hadn’t realized that he had begun reciprocating the same actions towards Jackson to the point where it had become a norm for him. It was no longer a show for fans. He feared what this could mean for him.

 

Mark shook his head. He wouldn’t let himself think that way.  He looked at Jinyoung before settling his sights on Jackson, taking in his somber expression. “I’m not like you. I won’t ever be. Don’t come near my like that anymore,” he said, taking a step back away from them.

 

“So what does this mean, hyung? Huh?” asked Jackson, voice breaking. “Am I that disgusting to you?”

 

“I don’t care if you’re gay, just don’t set your sights on me,” and with that he walked back towards their shared bedroom. Before he went inside however, he looked towards Jackson and said, “I’ll move my shit out. I’ll sleep in the living room from now on.”

 

Jackson and Jinyoung watched him enter the bedroom. Jackson’s body suddenly couldn’t support itself and he was eternally grateful for Jinyoung being there to anchor him. He quickly grabbed Jackson by his waist and slowly guided him towards his own bedroom. They passed Yugyeom and BamBam’s shared space and made it into his small bedroom.

 

Both he and Jackson were startled when they saw Jaebum in Jinyoung’s room. They thought that they and Mark were the only one home since the others decided to go out for the evening.

 

“Hyung,” whispered Jackson.

 

“Jackson-ah, what’s wrong?” questioned Jaebum, coming close to Jackson and hugging his face between his hands.

 

“Hyung, we have to talk. Mark and Jackson had a pretty bad argument that I kind of instigated,” began Jinyoung, ignoring Jackson’s confused glance.

 

“I thought Mark was finally showing his attraction for Jackson, but he denied it and instead called him names. I can’t believe it. It’s not like he doesn’t have experience dealing with this type of shit. He loves his sister and yet he acts like being thought of as gay is like having the plague,” continued Jinyoung.

 

Jaebum remained silent, feeling himself go through a multitude of emotions: shock, anger, disappointment, worry. But most of all, disgust.

 

“Hold on, hold on—what did he say?” he questioned, jaw clenching.

 

Jinyoung gulped, not really sure about whether this would cause irrevocable consequences, but pushed forward, knowing that their leader may know how to best handle this situation. Not only for the sake of their friendship, but the group as well.

 

“He said that he doesn’t want Jackson to come after him, that he’s not gay. He suspects that Jackson was trying to turn him or something,” relayed Jinyoung.

 

“He’s moving out of our room, hyung. Fuck. He doesn’t even want me near him, what am I going to do, what are we supposed to do?” said Jackson, miserably. His tears were flowing freely, and it broke Jaebum’s heart.

 

He couldn’t help bit to wrap Jackson in his arms, holding him tightly as the younger sobbed onto his shoulder. He and Jinyoung made eye contact and they made a silent vow to protect Jackson. Mark wouldn’t get away with this, whatever his issue is.

 

“Fuck that, let him stay. Come to my room tonight Sseunie,” whispered Jaebum against Jackson’s ear. “It’ll be okay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! It's hard seeing our boys in some unfortunate situations, this was hard to write!


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos you have all been leaving! I appreciate it so much, you guys have no idea!

It was strange being in a bed beside Jaebum. Not only because it wasn’t his own, but it was in a space that wasn’t his own. The pillows and sheets surrounding him smelled distinctly like Jaebum, magnifying the fact that he was no longer in his and Marks shared room. He could feel his eyes watering again and brought an arm up to his eyes to cover them.

 

Hearing a sigh come from his hyung, he forced out a quiet apology. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was making him so uncomfortable hyung.”

 

“Shh what do you think you’re apologizing for?” Jaebum responded heatedly. “He wasn’t uncomfortable at all. Trust me, I noticed a long time ago that he loved the attention you gave him and he had absolutely no problem reciprocating the touches.”

 

Jackson was conflicted. On one hand, he’s glad it didn’t look as though Jackson was trying to force him into doing anything as Mark had claimed, but if Mark was just as touchy with him as Jackson himself was, then what was the cause of the outburst today?

 

“Look, I can tell that you’re confused, and part of me would be too in your case. But we also have to keep in mind that Mark would always ask questions about how it was okay for two guys or girls to be like that with each other and for no one to question it.”

 

Jackson wiped away at his tears, considering Jaebums statement. “Yeah, that’s true... he admitted that he used to get into fights with people that would make comments about his sister, even extended family at times.”

 

Jaebum reached over to stroke Jackson’s hair to help him calm down even more. After a moment he pulled Jackson closer to him and had him rest his head on his chest while wrapping his arms around him.

 

“He probably has a lot of negative experiences related to homosexuality, and if his own family had some dumb shit to say about it, he was probably deeply affected by it, especially if he’s questioned it before.”

 

“But hyung, how could he defend his sister from the same kind of hateful words he just spoiled at me?” Questioned Jackson, voice small. The memory of Marks hate-filled voice rang through his head and brought on a new set of tears. 

 

“Because sometimes it’s easier protecting someone else than backgrounds to protect yourself. If Mark has had second thoughts about his sexuality before, than the thought of being treated like his sister or anyone in the same boat probably got to him. Maybe he thought that if he admitted to it, than he’d have to deal with the same shit.”

 

“That’s so fucked up. ‘Cause what if he is hyung? He might be hurting more than me right now. I have to go talk to him!”

 

“Sseunie, wait. Don’t rush anything. You were just in a heated argument where Mark said some pretty hurtful things. He’s probably not feeling too hot right now and trying to talk about this again is too soon. He’s not ready to admit or commit to anything, and to be honest, we’re just speculating here. Let’s give it time.” Jaebum had to wrap Jackson back in his arms after trying to get to Mark. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against his forehead in a chaste kiss. “I know you have a crush on him, but think of yourself too. Is it worth going through this pain?”

 

“Hyung?” Jackson wasn’t put off by this nurturing side of Jaebum. His hyung had taken to showing him support through the touches he so often craved, including pats, massages or kisses when he was feeling especially down.

 

However, what he was put off by was Jaebum wanting to deter him wanting to fix things with Mark. “Why can’t I just apologize? To at least get us started on the right path towards having an amicable relationship?”

 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. He over reacted. It’s not that I don’t want things to get better between you guys, it’s that we need to follow the best strategy to get you there.” Jaebum sighed. He wasn’t sure what needed to be done in order for Jackson and Mark to move past this, because he would have never expected this reaction out of Mark in the first place.

 

For some time he had noticed that Mark had become a lot more comfortable in his new home in Korea. Things were rough at first. Aside from missing his family and experiencing a new culture, he had a hard time expressing himself without miscommunication. He had a pretty explosive personality, and it created many arguments between him and other trainees in the past. While he didn’t go around expressing his outrage at everything that bothered him, the pent up anger he felt would show itself through violence or hurtful words. It was frustrating to all sides involved and it eventually led to Mark having a quiet demeanor because he would rather not have to speak than to have to go through those problems again. The change in his behavior was evident when Jaebum and the rest of the members in the group met Mark’s family and friends from LA. They were so different from the Mark they knew now, being very boisterous, which is the way Mark was when they first met him.

 

However, Mark had not changed completely, because they still saw those sides to him when he was very excited or angry, but he let it out in much smaller doses. Throughout their time as trainees up until now, Jackson had stuck by his side. He understood Mark’s discomfort because he was foreigner as well. He defended Mark when he felt he was in the right and would give him advice when he felt he was in the wrong. Due to the support that Jackson provided him, Mark became attached to Jackson, allowing himself to be at ease when by his side. Together, they were able to explore Korea and the culture without feeling so alone.

 

Jaebum began to wonder how close they were when he began seeing Mark reach out towards Jackson more often. He’d hug Jackson, have hi sit in his lap, hold his hand or idly run his fingers over his arms and thighs. He couldn’t help but notice because Mark was not like this with any of the other members in private.

 

While he himself was the same way with Jackson, he never thought the other was at fault for it, which Mark accused Jackson of. He figured that the reason he began wanting to be closer to Jackson this way was because he began growing feelings for him, which he figured was the same for Mark. He began obsessing over every moment in which Mark and Jackson would touch, growing a little bit more jealous each time. For Mark to not realize just how much he liked to have Jackson’s attention was surprising for him. ‘Is he really that in the dark?’ he wondered. ‘I recognized my feelings for him right away, and I wasn’t even sure if I liked guys or not when they began. He makes my heart beat like crazy when he’s around, he’s so cute.’

 

“Well, what should I do, hyung? I don’t want things to get really awkward because we wait too long,” responded Jackson, interrupting Jaebum’s thoughts. “He’s already had a lot of fights in the past, this one may be too much for him.”

 

Jaebum took a few seconds to appreciate Jackson’s face. His brows were slightly raised in worry and was pouty, plump lower lip slightly sticking out, ready to be bitten and kissed. ‘No, Jaebum! Concentrate!’ he yelled at himself.

“Aish, you’re just too fucking adorable, do you know that?” he couldn’t help but ask Jackson. Jackson’s brows furrowed at the seemingly random comment.

 

“Hyung, are you making fun of me?” he wondered, cheeks turning slightly pink.

 

“No, no,” Jaebum sighed, “I just think you’re really sweet. You care about him so much. Aside from crushing on him, you just want him to be happy. Don’t worry, no matter what, we won’t let it get too far.”

 

Jackson gave him a wide smile in response. “Thank you hyung, I love you, you’re the best leader. You’re always there for us.”

 

Jaebum couldn’t help it; at hearing Jackson’s words he caressed his cheeks and leaned in for a kiss. When his lips felt Jackson, his heart began racing at a speed he couldn’t believe. Any noise around them died down, and all he knew was Jackson.

 

He didn’t know what to expect when he leaned away from the younger’s lips. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking about anything at all aside from how good it felt to kiss his soft lips, being better than anything he’d ever imagined.

 

He hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes, but when he opened them the first thing he saw was Jackson’s closed set of eyes. His lashes were fluttering and his lips were parted. Slowly, he brought his tongue out to lick at his lips, and then opened his eyes to meet Jaebums.

 

“Hyung… you kissed me,” whispered Jackson. He brought a hand up to swipe his thumb across Jaebum’s lips. “I don’t understand.”

 

“I’m sorry,” came Jaebum’s quick response.

 

“Why?,” asked Jackson, even more confused at the apology. He wondered if it was an accident.

 

“I shouldn’t have done that, I just couldn’t help it,” answered Jaebum, looking away. He felt Jackson’s hands cup his face and turn it back towards him.

“Did you want to?” asked Jackson, searching Jaebums eyes.

“Yes,” was Jaebums firm response.

“Why?” questioned Jackson again, starting to feel anxious.

“I really like you. I’ve liked you for a while now. When you said that just now… I don’t know, it was like my body was reacting before I even thought of it.” Jaebum gulped, wondering what Jackson was thinking. The shorter boy had worried his lips between his teeth as he heard Jaebum’s response and was now looking down. After a few moments of silence between them, Jaebum began feeling a sense of dread.

“Sseunie, honey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue like that, especially with this whole thing between you and Mark happening right now, it was wrong,  I was thinking of myself and not you, I--“

“How could you say that?” whispered Jackson harshly. Jaebum was startled and felt his heart breaking. How could he have been so stupid? “You _don’t_ think of yourself. I was just telling you how thankful I am for you always being there for us. I wasn’t just saying that. You may have reacted that way because of how you feel, but not for one second do I believe you were prioritizing your feelings.” He sighed. “Feelings are weird okay, they make you do weird things. Like kiss boys who have had crushes on more than one boy in this house, including the one he’s holding right now.”

Jaebum had to stop for a second to take this all in. “Hold on. Wait. No. You…?”

“Hyung, yes!” groaned Jackson. As open as he was about talking about his feelings, this was a different territory. He’d **never** expected to be in this situation, with Jaebum of all people. He thought that if he ever confessed to anyone, it would have been Mark because of how close they had gotten and how often they hang out. While Jaebum treats him the same way as Mark and is one of the reasons that Jackson became attracted to him, Jaebum has a lot of responsibilities as the leader that pull him away often. It’s not that his feelings for Mark were deeper, but he saw a greater possibility of being with Mark than Jaebum. The latter was more of a fantasy for him that he never thought he would get to act on.

“Fuck, baby, are you serious? I thought you had feelings for Mark,” wondered Jaebum with his brows furrowed, holding Jackson even closer to him.

Jackson’s heart skipped a beat at hearing Jaebum refer to him by a pet name. Blushing, he hid his face by the others shoulder. “Ah, I do. I have feelings for both of you.”

“Why didn’t you—“

“Say anything? Hyung how was I supposed to know you liked me too? I thought you were straight as an arrow.”

“And yet I put my hands all over you?” Jaebum asked with a raised brow.

“I thought you just did that because you were just being considerate of me and how much I like skinship” murmured Jackson.

Jaebum gave a loud laugh. “You give me too much credit. I love the fact that you like touching and being touched so much because I can do as much of it as I want without being thought of as some creep. Jinyoung always makes faces when I grab onto your thighs or grab your ass. He wondered when you would push my hands away”.

Jackson bit his lip, snickering. “Why would I complain about something I like so much?” he whispered up against Jaebum’s ear.

Jaebum immediately felt himself heat up. Pushing Jackson down against his bed, he hovered over him. “Is that right baby?” he asked, leaning down to give him a kiss against his cheek. “You like it when I feel you up?”

“Mmm, yes, I love it when hyung grabs me and makes me feel his big strong hands everywhere.” Jackson tilts his head up to lean into Jaebums kiss, going beyond the sweet one they shared before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do things get worse before they get better? Or is it the other way around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't updated in 10 months. I apologize for that. I honestly have no excuse but to say that I didn't know if I should take this story where I originally planned. In case its not evident, this is a story about Jackson having a polyamorous relationship with a few of his members. It starts off with him, Jaebum and Jinyoung in a relationship, but then we find out about Mark. I was wondering if it was too much and ended up pulling away from it as I was writing the next chapter months and months ago. I decided to finish it though. If you'e into it, I'm glad, I am too. If not, I understand. 
> 
> I appreciate all of the kudos and comment's I've gotten in the past 10 months. I've read all of them and hope this latest chapter didn't completely disappoint. Thank you all <3

Jackson felt Jaebum's slick tongue delve into his mouth, sliding against his own. He moaned at the way Jaebum sucked it into his own mouth, heat pooling into his abdomen and making its way lower.

"Ahh, hyung," moaned Jackson, placing soft kisses against Jaebum's neck.

"Fuck baby, your lips are so sweet, so perfect for me," groaned Jaebum, turning Jackson's head to get another taste of him plump lips, by now a deep red from having been bitten and sucked on.

Jackson could feel Jaebum's hands gripping at his waste through the thin material of his shirt, but his desire to have the heat from his hands come into contact with his skin made the material feel thicker than any other. Without a second thought he began to pull up at his shirt. 

"Oh shit Sseunie, look at you," panted Jaebum, coming down to place open mouthed kisses all over Jackson's chest. 

"Ahh, mmmmm, hyung!" he gasped at the feel of Jaebum sucking on his nipple and tugging on it with his teeth, "oh yes!"

Little by little Jaebum began inching his way down Jackson's body, spreading his legs until he was laying between them, head at his crotch. He placed a kiss over the hard erection he felt through the younger's jeans. He looked up at Jackson through his lashes and the sight in front of him almost made him bust on the spot. Jackson's eyes were closed tightly while his open mouth panted for air past his swollen, spit slicked lips. His chest was covered in red marks that would quickly be turning purple. He'd never looked more beautiful to Jaebum.

Those tightly shut eyes slowly opened, revealing unshed tears in their wake. "Hyung, why did you stop?" whispered Jackson.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I couldn't help but admire how gorgeous you are," responded Jaebum, running his fingers up and down Jackson's sides.

Jackson didn't think blood could pool anywhere else but his hard cock at this moment but his cheeks burned at the praise.

"T-thank you hyung," he smiled, a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry honey, I definitely don't plan on stopping unless you want me to," he smirked and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down along with the underwear Jackson was wearing in one fell swoop. 

Out sprung Jackson's thick length, already dripping with precum, "Tsss," Jackson sucked in his teeth at the feel of the underwear as it slid off and the cold air hitting his flesh.

Jaebum licked his lips, "Ah I can't wait to taste you Sseunie, but I don't know if I can fit all of you in my mouth. You're so big,".

The thought of Jaebum having a mouth full of cock was already enough to make him cum but the thought of Jaebum struggling to fit all of him made him harder than he thought possible.

"Hyung at this rate I think I may just blow a load all over your face if you say anything else," he muttered, holding onto the sheets underneath him.

"Mmm, sounds tempting but save it for my mouth," and with that he licked a long stripe from the base of Jackson's cock up until his tip, popping it in his mouth and sucking. He could taste his salty precum and it made Jaebum grind down on the mattress beneath him.

With one hand around the base and the other sucking the top half in and out of his mouth, Jaebum reached down and took his cock out of his underwear. He began stroking himself as he sucked Jackson off. When Jackson noticed he couldn't help but shudder in pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so good hyung. Soo good, I love how your mouth feels," he moaned, placing a hand on Jaebum's head and running his fingers through his hair. 

Jaebum moaned at the praise and took more of Jackson's cock into his mouth, drool pooling around his mouth. He popped the cock out of his mouth for a few seconds and licked at the slit on the tip a few times before taking him in deeper than before. 

Both he and Jackson were close, with Jackson shallowly thrusting into Jaebum's mouth and nearly down his throat. "Ahh, hyung, I'm about to cum, are you sure you want it down your throat?" he moaned.

"Mmmm," Jaebum moaned, and pulled back to nod. It was as if Jackson was waiting for permission to cum because immediately Jaebums mouth began to fill with Jackson's seed.

Jaebum had fantasized about Jackson for months now and at the taste of his sperm he knew he was about to blow his load too. He quickly sat up once he felt Jackson was not going to keep coming and brought his cock to Jackson's lips. 

Jackson did not hesitate and began sucking him in earnest, wanting to taste Jaebum's warm seed as well. Jackson loved the feel and state of Jaebum's cock and couldn't help but moan as he sucked him off. After a few minutes Jaebum began to cum, pulling out a bit to watch his seed land all over Jackson's lips. Jackson immediately licked it up and stuck his tongue out for Jaebum to see. Jaebum reached down and kissed Jackson, tasting himself on the younger's tongue.

"Wow."

Unbeknownst to them, Jinyoung had watch the entire exchange between the two after having returned from attempting to speak to Mark. He knew he shouldn't have invaded their privacy, but he had been to shocked to move.

"Jinyoung!" shouted Jaebum, covering Jackson with his body. Jackson's cheeks burned, not knowing how much Jinyoung had seen and what he was thinking. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to watch, I had come in here to tell you guys something and.... I don't even know. I'm sorry." Jinyoung said, looking away.

"Shit. Thats fucking weird," yelled Jaebum, placing his now flaccid cock back in his pants. Beneath him he felt Jackson do the same. 

"Guys I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a pervert, I ended up watching without meaning to," stated Jinyoung, wringing the hem of his shirt. 

"Without meaning to?" stated Jaebum, brow raised.

"Hyung, I don't think he meant to. He was probably shocked. Imagine it had been me and Jinyoung, wouldn't you be shocked walking in on us like that?" stated Jacksonl, who had leaned up to wrap his arms around Jaebum from behind.

At his words both Jaebum and Jinyoung turned red, but for very different reasons.

"No, I'd be too busy being jealous," muttered Jaebum, who pulled Jackson in for a kiss. 

Jinyoung on the other hand immediately imagined the scenario Jackson had innocently proposed and his body reacted. He had to place his hand over his hardening cock, and noticing movement out of the corner of his eyes as he pulled back from kissing Jackson, Jaebum noticed what was going on.

"Are you hard??" he shrieked, shocked at what was happening.

"I can't help it, I'm sorry!" yelled Jinyoung and ran from the room to the bathroom. 

Jackson was worried and attempted to run after him but was pulled back by Jaebum. "Where are you going?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Hyung, I need to check on him, I have to make sure he's okay." Jackson was not going to take no for an answer, and Jaebum could tell.

"Fine, I'll come with you," stated Jaebum and both went after Jinyoung.

It took some time but Jinyoung finally opened the door and let them in and they had a discussion that led to Jinyoung revealing that he had feelings for Jackson as well. He thought he and Mark were both in the same boat and it was why he was somewhat glad that he was reciprocating Jackson's feelings, he had wanted to see Jackson happy with someone.

Jackson didn't really know how to take the news. He definitely had feelings for Jaebum and Mark and saw Jinyoung as his best friend. 

After some time though he began leaning on them for support whenever he and Mark had any awkward moments together, such as Mark going out of his way to not see or be near Jackson. It brought the three of them closer together. 

Jinyoung and Jaebum had attempted to speak with Mark but it turned into a brawl between the three of them that ended only when Jackson put his hands on Mark to stop him and the other freaked out.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" he had screamed, and left the dorm room for the night. They don't know what Mark did that night but he returned the next day with bags under his eyes. He didn't make eye contact or speak to anyone.

Their manager had come by and said that he knows theres a bit of a rift between them and that Mark asked him to not get between them, that they'll figure it out on their own. That it won't get in the way of their group.

Surprisingly, he was able to put it behind him in front of all of the directors and coordinators. Even on camera he was able to smile and laugh like nothing happened. At home BamBam, Yugyeom and Youngjae barely noticed anything was off because Mark usually spent most of his time playing with them or sleeping, as per usual. They did notice though that he barely spoke to Jackson anymore, but they'd been in fights before.

Just not this long. By the time a month had passed they began to get worried.

"Hyung, how come you and Sseunie don't go out anymore?" asked Yugyeom one day while at home with just Mark.

Mark winced at the question. He had been trying to keep things as normal as he could but the maknaes were bound to notice that something was up. They usually but out when the hyungs were fighting but he figured this seemed to be more extreme than other times, which he knew it was.

"Hmm, we're just fighting, don't worry, I'm sure things will go back soon." he said and with that stated he was going to get a bite to eat in an effort to avoid any more discussions.

Months turned into a year and the relationship between the hyung line didn't improve. The maknaes couldn't make them talk and decided to leave it be, becoming used to the change, sadly.

Jackson ended up coping by taking on more work, becoming extremely popular both in Korea and abroad with international fans. He was hired for more gigs in China, which took him away from home more often.

Jaebum and Jinyoung missed him tirelessly during these moments. Jackson began developing feelings for Jinyoung as well. Their relationship had turned into a physical one with both of them sharing intimacy with Jackson. During his last trip abroad they finally asked if they could form a relationship and call him their boyfriend and Jackson agreed after being convinced it wasn't weird. While not much changed the knowledge that they were together because they loved each other brought him a huge sense of comfort as it did for Jaebum and Jinyoung. He was able to forget about the pain that Mark's hostility had brought on and was comfortable again, even with the broken relationship between them. He wasn't going to try and force anything on Mark and continued living as best as he could, which was working out for him spectacularly with how well received he was everywhere he went.

Jackson was returning from one of his solo trips when he made it into the dorm. He was greeted by the sight of Jinyoung, who had been waiting for him.

"Hi sweetheart, welcome home," he whispered and leaned in to give Jackson a passionate kiss as the door was closed behind him.

"Hey Jinyoung," Jackson giggled, holding him tightly in his arms.

"Is that our baby?" asked a voice behind Jinyoung and Jackson smiled as he was pulled into Jaebum's arms, sharing a passionate kiss with him as well.

Jinyoung came behind Jackson and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a kiss on the back of his neck as Jaebum trailed them down his collar bones.

The three heard a crash near them and turned to see Mark as he had dropped a glass he had been holding him his hands. His face looked pale and his mouth hung open.

They'd never told anyone else of their relationship.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh thank you so much for your supportive comments guys, I really appreciate it! You guys make me want to write whenever I have a free minute <3
> 
> If you have any questions or suggestions, let me know!

“What the fuck...” whispered Mark, a strangled sound escaping his throat. He wasn’t sure he knew what he was looking at. In front of him were Jaebum, Jinyoung and Jackson, except they couldn’t be. No, because the guys in front of him had just been kissing and were still currently wrapped in each other’s arms. 

“Mark,” he heard Jackson whisper his name. He hadn’t heard the other day his name in over a year, it sounding almost strange to his ears now. 

Before he knew it he saw Jackson a few feet away from him, he looked worried, and he didn’t understand why. 

“Mark!” He heard Jaebums voice shout behind Jackson, but it wasn’t what broke him from his stupor. It was seeing Jaebums hand come from behind Jackson to wrap around his hip. It was such an intimate gesture, done without a second thought in the world, that made the reality of the situation very clear to him.

“You guys are fucking?.... you’re all gay now?” He asked, voice cracking at the last word. He looked between them and couldn’t help but feel a sense of despair. What was happening to their group? How could they continue like this? Were they going to try and convert him into being some homo?

Jinyoung could almost see the progression of thoughts running through Marks head and raised his hands in front of him as though to stop the onslaught. “Mark, I can tell you’re wondering what the hell is going on, but we can talk about it,” he urged.

“It’s none of his fucking business whether we’re ‘fucking’ or not—as he put it—he just needs to mind his own business,” boomed Jaebums voice from behind Jinyoung. He stepped forward to glare at Mark, whose shoulders squared immediately in preparation for a fight, fists balled up by his side.

“Of course it’s my fucking business! I need to know what the fuck you sick fucks are up to to avoid being forced into some shit,” he growled out.

Jackson and Jinyoung couldn’t believe their ears. ‘He still thinks that way about us?’

“Wtf Mark,” shook Jackson’s voice, “you think we’ll rape you or something? You think we’re like that just because we have feelings for each other? You think we’d take advantage of you, someone we consider a friend, like you’re some—some object for us to use?? What would you say to someone who treated your sister like that? HUH?! Would you be okay with them thinking your sister is some abuser just because of the person she fell in love with?! I can’t believe you! I can’t believe I ever thought of you as anything more than some scumbag.” Tears we’re streaming down Jackson’s face as he shook with rage, both in the sense of loss he felt at knowing his relationship with Mark May never be the same and in the effort he was placing in holding himself back from striking him.

I’m calling him a potential rapist he was accusing his lovers of the same. His hyung who did everything in his power to endure that the group functioned as a family and that he—Jackson, felt cherished. His Jinyoung, whose insight allowed Jackson to build a connection with someone he didn’t think possible since his falling out with Mark.

Jackson wasn’t the only one feeling his blood boil at Marks words, but he was the only one to hold back. Both Jaebum and Jinyoung simultaneously reached out and attacked Mark, the latter being caught off guard, reeling at Jackson’s words. He landed on his bottom, not fighting back.

While Jackson’s words served to make Jaebum and Jinyoung feel the need to protect Jackson from the pain that Mark inflicted on him, Mark was at a loss.

‘But... it’s not like that with my sister. She’s... she’s different!’

Mark was in such a disoriented state from Jackson’s words and the blow he had received from Jaebums fist across his head that he hadn’t realized that he’d spoken this thought out loud. 

“Different?! What makes her different from us? Is it that she’s a girl and you don’t feel threatened? Why would we ever make you feel like that, huh? We only ever showed you love, just like she did! What would ever make you think that we’d hurt you just because we have love for each other?!” Screamed Jinyoung, face twisted in disgust at Marks idiocy.

“Hmm, that’s because maybe he doesn’t like the fact that we’re threatening his own coming out. He hates th rethought that he’s gay—and I understand it from you witnessing what happened to your sister—but I saw the way you would look at Jackson, because I used to look at him the same way. You weren’t his brother or his friend in those moments. You were fucking him with your eyes. Getting little touches in whenever you could,” Jaebum whispered getting closer to Marks ear. “I bet you loved the feel of his round ass on your cock whenever he sat in your lap, that’s why you would encourage it, right? You’d pull him tight against you, hands rubbing up and down his thighs. You didn’t think I noticed the little kisses you’d press down his neck and then laugh it off as though it was just an innocent joke?”

Marks eyes widened with each word Jaebum spoke. He knew... he knew that Jackson wasn’t the same to him as anyone he’d ever met. He was... he was different. He made him feel different. He wanted to behave differently with Jackson, but he didn’t understand how. Apparently everyone else did.

So what did that mean? What were they seeing that he couldn’t?

"Did you really think you were treating Jackson as just a friend?" questioned Jaebum, bewildered. "That's asinine! You were only ever like that with him, and don't you dare give me some bullshit about you seeing him like a brother, because you have one already and you've never practically felt him up or stared at him like you wanted to jump him."

"Hyung stop," came the hoarse voice of Jackson coming from behind him. He wrapped his arms around Jaebum's torso, wanting to take comfort in being close to him but also wanting to pull him away from Mark. 

He didn't dismiss Jaebums claims because he thought the same way at some point as well. Its one of the reasons he ended up with a huge crush on Mark because he felt that there was chemistry between them that surpassed mere friendship. He loved the feel of Marks hands on him, how he seemed to subconsciously seek him out, holding on to his hands, running his fingertips along his body, pressing his lips against his skin. It was electrifying. None of his other male friends ever displayed this level of affection with him, its why he couldn't fathom Mark and him being just friends, especially when his hyung was only like that with him.

'But... maybe I was wrong. Maybe WE were wrong' thought Jackson, because Jaebum and Jinyoung were also under the impression that Mark had felt more for him than he attempted to impress upon people.

As Jaebum got up and leaned his body against Jackson who was still holding him, Jinyoung pulled back as well. 

"Hyung, this has gone on long enough... we have to try to come to some understanding," he pleaded, starring intensely into Mark's eyes.

"I--I don't know what you guys are talking about. Jackson... Jacks...he was just my friend. He's just a friend, but everyone wanted to push him onto me." After a few seconds Mark turned his eyes towards Jackson. "Jacks, I loved you like a friend, nothing more. But then when people started saying we were a couple, I couldn't take it. I didn't want them to try and change what we had. What would it mean for you and me, for the group? Would you start thinking I'm gay and push me away?

I wouldn't know what to do if you actually liked me either! I can't return your feelings because I'm not gay. So if you actually were, that would've hurt if I rejected you, wouldn't it? I didn't want that either. It was all so frustrating!" Mark yelled, eyes welling with tears.

 

"Listen," he said, standing up and approaching Jackson. Jaebum and Jinyoung made no attempt to move, not finding Mark to be a threat to their lover. "I didn't mean those things I said. I know this may be hard to believe because I've never apologized in all this time and acted like you didn't exist but, I swear to you, I didn't mean it. I said it out of irrational anger at first 'cause I needed to blame someone other than myself for this, and it couldn't be the fans. They thought I was gay 'cause of how I treated you so I took it out on you. You didn't deserve that....I don't have a problem with you being gay if thats how you feel. With any of you," he stated as he turned to look at Jaebum and Jinyoung as well. "I get it. I get why some things looked suspicious in hindsight. I overreaction in my fear. I'm sorry."

"Mark--" Jackson's voice broke. He unwound his arms from around Jaebum and took a step towards Mark. Mark didn't make a move towards him but hesitantly opened his arms. Jackson took a few steps towards him and paused not knowing how to feel. Should he still be upset with Mark? He understood now that Mark has been experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. Mark is not the type to like someone speaking for him or trying to impress certain ideals onto him, so the thought of not just the fans but his own friends believing something about him that was not true may have been overwhelming. 

Mark knew Jackson like the palm of his hand--or at least he felt like he did, he hasn't spoken to him in a year and it seems that the fans WERE right, he is gay and currently in a relationship with 2 of their closest friends-- so when he saw Jackson's indecision he knew Jackson needed him to act. He took the remaining steps forward and placed his arms around the short but muscular body in front of him, simultaneously taking in his scent. Instantly he felt himself melt, Jackson could calm him down like no one else, its why he would reach out to him so many times. He loved how he felt in his arms, as though ht was complete. Sometimes Jackson felt like he was an extension of who he was, expressing his thoughts and feelings in a different way. When he felt Jacksons arms slowly reach up to tighten around him he felt a massive sense of relief. 'I'd almost lost this,' he thought and tightened his own arms around Jackson even stronger, not wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry Jacks, I'm so sorry, I should have never hurt you, I promise you I'll never push you away like that again," stated Mark emphasizing his words with a squeeze of his body.

"I really missed you Mark, you hurt me so much," cried Jackson. He couldn't believe he was in Mark's arms again. It was surreal. He'd tried to push him away from his thoughts and forget he existed outside of events but he just couldn't. He couldn't. To think that he'd been accused of some of the most vile things he could imagine and ending up here again was unimaginable.

"I missed you too," whispered Mark and placed a kiss on Jackson's cheek, letting his lips linger on the soft skin. "I know thats part of the reason people thought we were more than just friends, but I can't help it with you. I'm not saying I'm gay but... you're different."

Jaebum and Jinyoung had been watching the interaction in front of them and unknowingly were thinking the same thing: Mark was definitely in love with Jackson, he just didn't know it. And they were not happy about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts with the present, moves to the past and then back.

It was strange to be in the good graces of people whom at one point thought nothing but the worst of you, and who you wanted nothing to do with, thought Mark.

. . . . . . . .

It had been a difficult year for his group members, which he knows he was fully responsible for. Prior to him pushing Jackson away, he had been very close to their smallest member. They spent more time together than anyone else within their group or even their circle of friends. They became very close during their training period, immediately hitting it off due to their similar preferences and knowledge of pop culture being that Mark was from the US and Jackson had gone to an American international school while in Hong Kong. 

They had even traveled abroad together to Taiwan a few times, further strengthening their bond. They experienced the idiosyncrasies of South Korea together, and could more easily navigate life there because they had each other to lean on whenever a peculiar aspect of the culture went against their norm. 

One of these elements to consider was the issue of how people behaved among the same and opposite gender. They had learn that the way you show respect to a Korean woman was a bit different than they were accustomed, keeping touching to a minimum unless you were dating, but it was the opposite for males. They had seen guys here sitting in each others laps, holding hands, caressing each other in ways that would only be deemed as romantic if in the States. It was much more shocking for Mark than Jackson, who had seem similar behavior throughout his life and participated in it. 

When other guys around them began treating them the same way, Mark felt appalled. He didn't know how to express this however without coming across as rude and inconsiderate of the culture he wanted to welcome him. This is where Jackson came in, explaining that despite the touches, the majority of Korea, particularly the older generation, wasn't exactly welcoming of same sex romantic relationships. The touches weren't loaded with alternative meanings, it was simply a way of letting the other person feel welcomed, the same way a family member would give their loved one a hug. "Think of the way you and your siblings grew up, I can bet you guys probably hugged a lot and held hands, right?" asked Jackson one day. 

"Hugging, yeah, but this is taken up to an extreme.... you know its actually funny. There is a lot of skin ship here among friends but not couples, but in the US its the opposite. I gotta get used to it," responded Mark pondering how that would be the case. He just didn't find it natural for him to go up to a guy and sit on his lap. 

As though reading his thoughts Jackson burst out laughing,"I get it, it's gonna feel weird. But man we gotta get used to it, have you seen the shit they have idols do on shows?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. If we ever get that far we have to ham up our relationship in front of the cameras. Like I know fans like the thought of us liking each other since it means no threat from girls but man..." thought Mark, shaking his head. 

What Mark didn't know at the time was that Jackson was wrestling with the thought that he may be into guys as much as he liked girls. He had dated a few girls back in Hong Kong and he was happy with them, no question. He could express himself through PDA comfortably. However, he was just as happy when he could touch his guy friends in the same way and experience the same treatment in return. He liked being held by his guy friends, interlocking fingers, massages, pats on his ass, kisses on his cheek when they wanted to mess around and gross out the rest of the guys in their circle of friends. He'd laugh off some of those more extreme behaviors but inside he liked it. He knew it'd be a problem if he reacted to it comfortably because he knew the objective was to disgust others not have him or others enjoy it, so he knew to hide his feelings.

When he came to Korea he knew to tread the same way, not projecting any of his thoughts or feelings into his actions, in the event that he may be excluded. Unfortunately for him he was surrounded by great looking guys in a country where being touchy feeling was taken up a notch, stirring up the butterflies in his stomach and making the stress he felt as possibly being chosen to debut even higher. 

Mark was both a respite and added grievance in his life. Here is a guy who thought like him in terms of his interests but at the same time wanted to acclimate to Korean standards. However, he also questioned himself constantly, as well as the motives behind the actions of the guys who touched him. It put Jackson on edge because he didn't want to be questioned considering the thoughts that would run through his mind. 

Eventually though Mark began to give in. He watched as Jackson seemed to have no trouble fitting in, being a natural people person. It gave way to many opportunities because people naturally wanted to be around him, especially with how well he was fitting in. Mark decided to do the same. He started finding the arms swung around his shoulders, the rustling of his hair, the pats on his ass and the hands holding his to be friendly. Jackson began feeling comfortable being able to express himself this way with Mark as well, including in private. 

This is where Jackson's problems began. What were simple touches with everyone else, started becoming heated ones with Mark. He began testing the waters and both to his excitement and dread, Mark seemed to have no problems with Jackson cuddling up to him, with him sitting between his legs, with him pressing kisses across his cheek, with him laying his head across his chest and taking naps with their legs intertwined. What made Jackson's heart beat faster was that this wasn't all done in public, he left certain actions between themselves and Mark never question it. It made Jackson hope.

His dreams of possibly having something with Mark were crushed though when he overheard him speaking with another trainee. The trainee was Australian and had mentioned not wanting to look gay by holding onto guys and what not. Mark had responded with, "for real, it still makes me uncomfortable".

It shook Jackson to think that he was forcing his feelings on Mark and he decided to get himself a girlfriend. People wondered why he would choose to and warned him that there could be repercussions for dating but he told them as well as JYP himself that she was helping him learn Korean a lot faster. Coincidentally, his Korean had been improving while dating, allowing JYP and Jacksons managers to give him a pass, it was one less bill they had to pay for if Jackson could improve his Korean enough to debut. 

While dating her Jackson tried HARD to forget about Mark and boys in general. He dedicated himself to training and being a good boyfriend and for the most part things improved, he didn't spend as much time with Mark and was therefore able to avoid any moments where he would have otherwise wanted to spend time alone with him. What he didn't expect was for Mark to miss him as much as he did. One night after coming home late from a date that had led to sex between him and his girl, Jackson came to the dorm to find Mark sitting on his bed playing with his phone.

"Hey, whats up? I thought you'd be asleep," said Jackson, taking off his pants and shirt to get ready for bed. He had already showered at the love hotel his girlfriend had rented for the night being that she hadn't seen him in a few days due to her schedule.

Mark immediately noticed the hickey on his chest and raised a brow. "Damn I'm surprised you didn't stay with her tonight," and gestured toward the mark on his chest.

Jackson laughed and rubbed his hand across his chest, Mark following with his eyes. "Nah I couldn't, we gotta be up in a few and she had to leave right away anyway, she has her own schedule. Dating another trainee wasn't the best idea but she's really sweet."

"Ugh don't talk about her come lay down. I'm glad you're here I couldn't sleep without you," mumbled Mark and pulled Jackson towards him. "Wait, did you already shower?" he asked, not wanting to touch Jackson's body in case he had any bodily fluids on himself.

Jackson was momentarily silenced by his shock at the situation. Never would he have expected Mark to behave in this manner and once he caught his bearings he gave a nervous chuckle and affirmed that he had indeed showered before coming home.

Mark nodded and had them lay down together across Jackson's bed, and to Jackson's even greater surprise, Mark decided to act like the big spoon and cuddle up behind Jackson, pulling him tight to his body and wrapping his arms around him. He felt Mark's lips on his neck and heard him whisper, "I know this is weird 'cause you probably did this with your girl not too long ago, but I can't help it, sometimes I get jealous seeing you too together and I miss having a girlfriend too".

Jackson tensed at those words, 'what is Mark trying to say?' he wondered, his heart racing like crazy. He felt beyond elated at this moment and it scared him because he thought he was getting over Mark, and all it took was him putting his arms around him for those feelings to come rushing back.

Mark mistook Jackson tensing as anger though and was quick to lift himself up a bit and turn Jackson to look into his eyes and apologize, "no I don't mean like I see you as a girl or my girlfriend! I just miss laying down with someone and like, I don't know, you're my best friend here and... ugh I sound like a fucking creep" he blushed and brought his forehead down on Jackson's shoulder. "I'm sorry, you're cuddly and I wanted to hold onto someone. Is that okay?"

Jackson couldn't help the giggle that escaped his throat at Mark's embarrassment and decided not to think more deeply about it for now. "It's fine. Get some sleep hyung and turned his body around." Deciding to be a bit evil he ground his ass into Mark's crotch, him just wearing boxers and Mark basketball shorts. 

Mark groaned and whispered "stop it," while laughing softly and smacked him across his arm. He didn't move though. 

. . . . . . . . 

Thinking back on those moments, Mark can easily see how others, including Jackson himself, may have thought more was going on between them than there was. He himself though just thought of him as the one he was closest to. He never thought of why that was the case. It seems clear as day now though that he had been falling for Jackson.

That dilemma seems like nothing compared to the one he's gotten himself into now though. It's been about 3 months since he and the hyung line had gotten everything patched up between them, or so it seemed.

He couldn't help but sense some animosity stemming from Jaebum and Jinyoung. Whenever they were alone they would make sly comments about how nasty he had been to them or talk in great detail about how they were fucking Jackson and how Jackson reacted to them. Honestly he just found it flat out disrespectful. He didn't say much in these moments, just nodded their heads. He didn't know what type of game they were playing at but he guessed he deserved it for what he put everyone through.

One day, it was just the four of them in the dorm, with Youngjae having gone to visit his brother, BamBam helping his mom open a new restaurant in Thailand by bringing in more publicity and Yugyeom with his friends. 

Jackson and Mark had been up earlier than Jaebum and Jinyoung, watching some American comedians and laughing their asses off. It was to that sight that JJP walked into, not exactly happy about it but smiling nonetheless at Jackson's cute smile.

"Morning," he smiled at them when he noticed them enter and got up to give them each a chaste kiss on the lips. Mark turned away, not wanting to be caught starring. 

"Hi baby," smiled Jaebum and caressed his back as he gave him a warm hug. Jinyoung wanted more and give him a kiss full of tongue, causing Jackson to let out a helpless little moan. 

Immediately Mark's eyes turned back to Jackson, who was flushed and breathing harder as Jaebum now began to place little kisses along his neck. He couldn't help but think back to all of the moments that JJP had told him about what Jackson was like in bed and his imagination was running wild.

He needed to get them to stop and decided to clear his throat loudly. It worked like a charm and Jackson pulled away from his lovers and gave everyone in the room an apologetic smile. "Whoops, got caught up there," he said giving a breathy laugh and made his way back to Mark. Once he sat back down next to him on the couch he turned to his lovers, who were practically devouring him with his eyes and said "maybe you guys should go eat breakfast? I made some for you too, its on the counter."

It brought Jinyoung out of the haze he was in and smiled, "thank you sseun-ah," and pulled Jaebum along with him.

Jackson turned to Mark and apologized to him in a whisper. Mark shook his head and said, "you don't have to apologize, I would have done the same thing," leaving Jackson to wonder if he was talking about the situation or if he meant if he was Jaebum or Jinyoung. The latter thought made him flush a deep red. 

Mark couldn't help himself, he wanted Jackson at that moment. He'd accepted his feelings little by little and thought about Jackson romantically, but despite JJP's efforts it wasn't till now that he thought of him sexually. 

Speaking of the two, they walked back into the living room and attempted to take a seat next to Jackson but found there wasn't enough room. Mark felt more than saw the glare that Jaebum threw his way and decided to screw with them. He pulled Jackson onto his lap and said, "hey you guys can fit now". 

"Hey, Jackson come sit on my lap baby," stated Jaebum taking a seat next to them. His glare shifted to look sweetly at Jackson but when Jackson turned to look at Mark Jaebum glared at him again, 'just what is that fucker thinking??'

"Ah but hyung you're eating, once you're done I'm all yours," Jackson smiled. At least he did until he felt something rubbing between his ass. Was that what he thought it was?

When looked back at Mark the other gave him a look that told him all he needed to know.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys have any comments or suggestions, leave them below :) If you'd like to reach out to me privately, you can reach out to me on my tumblr: bottomjacks.tumblr.com


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